I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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