My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
