I bet he comes in French.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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