Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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