Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
