I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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