So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
