Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
