community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
