Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
