Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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