so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
