I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
