I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
