It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize