it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
