i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
