How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize