Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
