I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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