im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
