did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
