that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
