My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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