Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
