DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
