Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
