I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
