my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
