Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
