So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
