My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
well, you know. whores of a feather.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize