I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize