If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
