We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
