The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
