it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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