sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize