I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
