I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
