So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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