Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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