He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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