nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
