there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
