Cold hands, warm shart.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
