Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
