the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
