I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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