So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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