So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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