did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
