My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
