I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize
