Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I need moral support for this bender
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
