Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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