All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
