Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
