apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
