Princesses don't give blow jobs
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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