that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
