i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
