Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
