So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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