How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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