Yo dont text me then not text me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
