going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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