if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
