i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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