Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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